I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Woke up backwards on a recliner
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
