his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Randomize
