I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
