I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
