just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
