sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
