So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
