you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
