My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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