her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Randomize
