she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
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