Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize
