just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize