I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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