I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
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