i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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