OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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