Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
