I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I just found a bag of teeth...
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
