i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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