This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
