dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
