Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
He's a Shit stain on my heart
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Randomize
