meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
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