new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
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