Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
