He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
