she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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