I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
