We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Randomize
