so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
