I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
