we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
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