In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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