The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Randomize
