it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
