You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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