ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
He felt like a one man threesome
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
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