It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
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