I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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