good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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