Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
