EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
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