he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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