I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
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