I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
The Olympian is in my bed
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
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