your room smells of hookers.
And success
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
