Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
