that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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