I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
