Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
