Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize