The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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