Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
