I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Hippo gnu deer
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
