We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Randomize
