She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Randomize
