you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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