This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
