From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
