You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Randomize
