So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
