I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
