im gay
i know
yea but for you.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
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