I like my sex mixed with concussions.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
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