I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Randomize
