period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
