Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
